Wednesday, April 18, 2007

The History of the Dominion of Melchizedek

The Dominion of Melchizedek is not actually a real place…well actually there is an interesting story behind it at least. I have taken the name of this “nation” from a webpage and created a fictional story about its history. Some of the “facts” are loosely based on truth about the “nation” but all names have been changed and the story is completely ridiculous anyways. If you wish to know about the “real” Dominion of Melchizedek click here and you can ask Tony-the-Wonder-Llama about it. It is kind of funny and I hope you enjoy these random antics…

The Dominion of Melchizedek: The Story Of A Mime With A Dream

The Dominion of Melchizedek is a wonderful and amazing nation that was founded by Harry Sampson and his son Gary. Their story is one of heartbreak, persecution and finally, freedom! Harry Sampson was born in California to very poor parents. The great depression had taken a great toll on Harry’s family and had a lasting effect throughout his childhood and into his early adolescence. Harry’s parents, hoping to alter his bleak future, decided to make the trek from their tiny one room shack in Yreka to Los Angeles, in their 1972 Ford Pinto to try to make a future in Hollywood. This plan never really came through for the Sampson’s and Harry ended up finding work as a stationary mime extra in a modern Broadway rendition of the classic French mime film “Les Enfants du Paradis''. This show failed miserably costing the producers and cast including David every penny they had. This failure affected Harry‘s pride but not his spirit.

Shortly after Harry’s 28th birthday he announced to his parents that “Hollywood was not fair!” and that he had been accepted to a very prestigious school for mimes and struggling actors in Mexico. He would be leaving immediately. This however was not the truth but only a glamorous story he told his parents for the reason he was going to Mexico. The real reason was to become a counterfeiter and make millions so that he could come back one day and give his parents the retirement they always deserved. His parents responded to the news the way parents would. His mother said to him “Make sure you take plenty of stationery so you can write us. Don’t wash your clothes in the water because its dirty. Don’t lose our address and don’t talk to bums because they’re just trying to get your money.” With that advice his mother gave him fare for the bus and kissed him goodbye. His father simply said to him “Stay on the right track and whether or not you make it we will be here for you always.” Those were the first and last words his father would ever speak to him.

Harry’s life took a very strange turn when he arrived in Mexico. He had success for a few years with the counterfeit business and also got engaged to a beautiful woman names Sheila, whose father was a hut builder. Harry decided to attend Mime Community college after all and try to make an honest living. Sheila soon became pregnant and the marriage was approaching. On their wedding day Sheila left Harry and the new baby, Greg, at the altar. This crushed Harry and caused him to seriously consider his life’s calling. Harry took the counterfeit money and decided to found his own country where his son would have a chance to grow up in complete seclusion and never have to interact with society. After selling all of his possessions, except his son, Harry started looking for a site to build his empire. After buying a map from a one-eyed pirate Harry found the perfect uninhabited island in the Pacific previously only used for testing nuclear weapons by France. Harry moved there immediately and declared the island the Dominion of Melchizedek. The weather was beautiful on the little island and there was blue sky everywhere in sight. Harry decided that this new found nation should be founded on certain principles. First and foremost, it’s absolutely imperative that every citizen must have at least two gods of their choosing; you’re favorite color must be bananas because it is the nations chief export and you must be patriotic; and the principal rule of the society is that any time you write a research paper you must cite every source used perfectly or you will be put to death because plagiarism is absolutely intolerable. Harry had come to know the great moral importance of citations from his sophomore English class in Mime Community College.

The Dominion of Melchizedek enjoyed great peace for the first year of its existence with its relatively small population of 2. However,the worst tragedy in The Dominion of Melchizedek would soon shake the very foundation of the nation. The still unaware French military decided to test another nuclear weapon on the island completely destroying the entire right side, plunging it into the water, and killing three innocent crustaceans that never saw it coming. The effect on the island was devastating. Harry declared war on France and proclaimed that they had violated the sanctity of his great nation. He screamed his rage from the shores of The Dominion of Melchizedek, which did not yet have working phones, but France was just too far away to hear the threats of war. He decided that the new rite of passage for anyone wanting to become a citizen of The Dominion of Melchizedek would be to travel to France and de-pants a street mime while screaming the truth about the devastating attack on his island. Harry lived for many more years raising his son and when he passed on Greg took control of The Dominion of Melchizedek and still governs today unbeknownst to many in the world, especially France.


Stacie said...

Okay, that is hilarious.

Shelly said...

Wow. This is not what I was expecting to read from your blog! I definitely agree with Ms. Hanes, this story is very hilarious. It was quite entertaining to read. I don't know how any of us are going to come even close to topping your story! I really liked the sarcasm within the story. I especially liked the part that said something along the lines of, “with a relatively small population of 2” and the other part about the three innocent crustaceans that never saw the nuclear weapons coming. This is very creative and definitely took some imagination. I wish the rest of us luck on this one!

Awilli21 said...

That was really funny. At first I glanced at how long it was and wasn't going to read it, (i know, shows just how lazy some college kids are) anyway, I'm really glad I did. Very creative, there is no way Prof Hanes can compare any of our "stories" to yours.